I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since my teenage years. When, I was sixteen, I put myself in the hospital with severe back pain and numbness in my limbs: all stress-induced. Although I didn’t have another major physical incident like that, the next seven years were a series of fresh starts and relapses, as I stumbled around my own recovery.
Every couple of years, I would reach a new level of improvement: Being able to walk in our apartment without tripping over piles of stuff. Cooking once or twice a week. I ran my first Tough Mudder. Trying to find a church. But while my marriage was growing stronger for all the tribulation, as individuals, Keaton and I were weakening. We were so lonely, and each fresh start sapped energy that we were quickly running out of.
By fall of 2013, I remember sitting on our bed, late at night, terrified that there was something really wrong with me. I was in tears, thinking I might need medication that I really didn’t want and that we really couldn’t afford. And I knew I wasn’t the only one. Just beyond my own fog, I could see my husband struggling to keep afloat too.
That was a year ago. Now? I’ve been in counseling for six months, and Keaton for four. Now my tears are happy ones, because we’re completely different people. We are surrounded by our beautiful friends and family. Investing in ourselves and our future, and able to laugh and play with our children. It’s hard to believe all that has happened in the past year.
My unhealthiness eclipsed my life. And as I’ve worked on my mental health, it’s made room for me to work on my physical health. And as my mind and my body are healing, it’s opening the door for me to heal spiritually too.
That was a year ago. Now? I’ve been in counseling for six months, and Keaton for four. Now my tears are happy ones, because we’re completely different people. We are surrounded by our beautiful friends and family. Investing in ourselves and our future, and able to laugh and play with our children. It’s hard to believe all that has happened in the past year.
My unhealthiness eclipsed my life. And as I’ve worked on my mental health, it’s made room for me to work on my physical health. And as my mind and my body are healing, it’s opening the door for me to heal spiritually too.
I’ve learned the value of putting myself first. Of living by grace, and loving myself. And I think most importantly, I’ve learned that choosing to be healthy doesn’t mean jumping from one extreme to the other. Your health must be personalized to your goals, and taken just one step at a time.
This balanced priority on my health enables me to enjoy living the life I want to the fullest. And this is what I want to share with you.
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